Memories
by MudbloodxPrincess
Summary: Remus remembers memories from his life, all of them having to do with Sirius. Rated T for some langauge


AN: You can thank writer's block for this story. xD That and I have recently fallen in love with RemusxLupin. Sadly, I own nothing. I'm just borrowing and playing with the characters. –Le sigh- JK's brilliant mind owns everything that you recognize. The memories will alternate between italics and regular so you can tell them apart.

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><p><em>His mum and dad had just finished hugging him goodbye, and he was now lugging his heavy trunk onto the train. He was so excited that he actually got to come to Hogwarts, what with the fact that he had his "furry little problem." He made his way to the back of the train, looking for a compartment that wasn't full. When he found one, he saw a boy sitting there. This boy had shaggy black hair, and grey eyes. He was staring out the window, lost in thoughts. When Remus opened the compartment door, he looked at him. <em>

"_Is it okay for me to sit here? Everywhere else is full." Remus asked nervously. He never had much interaction with other children before. The boy gave him a lopsided smile._

"_Sure." Was all he said. One word and Remus's heart started fluttering. Remus had written it off as the fact that he wasn't use to hanging around children. "Oh, I'm Sirius. Sirius Black." He said, and his hand twitched, as if he was going to pick it up and shake Remus's hand. Sirius's voice was low, but not overly so. _

"_Remus Lupin." Remus had whispered, struggling to put his trunk on the rack. When he did get it up there, he opened it, and took out a book. He sat down across from Sirius, and quietly opened the book. Sirius had gone back to staring out the window. Remus didn't pay much attention to the book, but quietly watched the young boy. When two other boys came and sat down, he noted how Sirius started joking with them. They had said their names were James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew. Remus noted how Sirius's laugh sounded honest. On occasion Remus made a comment, but he chose to study the others, and in particular, Sirius._

They had figured it out. His friends had figured out his secret. They had just confronted him, and he couldn't lie any more. He looked into the eyes of his three friends, noting hurt in each of them. Sirius's eyes had the most hurt though. Sirius didn't know it, but his eyes always betrayed his feelings. He could keep his face completely impassive, but his eyes always showed his feelings. They always gave him away. Remus looked back down at the floor. "I'll go see Dumbledore, then." He muttered, turning to exit the common room. He felt a touch on his arm that sent tingles all the way through him. He turned and saw that Sirius had grabbed him.

"Why would you go see Dumbledore?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well, I figured that since, well, y'know, my problem, that you guys wouldn't want to share a dormitory with me." He whispered, willing the tears away from his eyes. He looked down at where Sirius was touching him, wondering why he hadn't pulled away yet. Or why Sirius hadn't let go.

"Of course we still want to room with you, you git." James spoke up. "You're our friend." He said. Remus looked at him, and then Peter, who nodded. He looked at Sirius last. Sirius gave a nod, looking directly in Remus's eyes. Remus felt his heart flutter again. They still wanted to be his friends, he thought to himself. He couldn't believe it. He felt the corners of his mouth go up, and tears welled up in his eyes again.

_They had just gotten out of Transfiguration. The day's lesson had been about Animagus, and McGonagall showed her transforming into a cat. James and Sirius had been sharing glances all through class, as if they were planning something. Peter was completely oblivious, as usual. Remus was highly frustrated, as every time he asked them about it, they skirted around the question, and changed the subject. It was like that all day. Finally, after dinner, when they were in the common room, he confronted them. _

"_Well." Sirius started, glancing at James who nodded. "We thought that we'd just become Animagi, and then when you have to go take care of your furry little problem, we'd go with you."_

_Remus stared at the two of them, speechless for several long seconds. He opened his mouth then closed it again. Finally he managed to get a sentence out, "That won't work." Sirius raised an eyebrow. "It'll take years. Besides, it's illegal to try to do so until you're of age." He pointed out, smirking. They may be rule breakers, but surely they wouldn't do anything that would get them expelled. Sirius shrugged, and James just gave Remus a pointed look, as if saying 'Since when do we care.' Remus sighed, but he was secretly touched. Sirius was risking getting expelled to help him. James was too, he had to remind himself. Peter probably was going to do it too. _

James and Peter had gone to Hogesmede to get butterbeer for the four of them. It was the first weekend of the Christmas Holiday, and the four of them stayed at Hogwarts this year. Remus and Sirius had stayed back. Sirius wanted Remus's help on an essay for History of Magic. They were sitting side by side at one of the tables in the common room, rather close. Remus could feel the heat radiating off of Sirius, and he couldn't help but feel a little bit nervous. He was reading what Sirius had written so far, crossing out a few mistakes and changing them, while explaining the differences. Sirius was sitting there, his head on his hand, watching Remus with a bored expression on his face. When Remus finished, and handed the paper back to Sirius, their hands touched. Sirius's hand shot an electrical jolt through his body, and Remus quickly yanked his hand away. He and Sirius's eyes met, for a brief second, before James came back with the Butterbeer. Thankful for an excuse, Remus got up quickly and went over to James.

_James had detention, and Peter was off somewhere. Sirius and Remus were outside, sitting under a tree by the lake. Remus was reading a well-worn copy of Rome and Juliet by Shakespeare. Sirius was leaning against Remus, throwing rocks into the lake. Remus was trying to ignore how much he enjoyed the feel of Sirius leaning against him. Remus was reading aloud quietly. He had decided to re-read the play, just as they were getting ready to go outside. Remus was at the part where Juliet and Romeo first met. "Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss" Sirius looked up. _

"_What the bloody hell have you been reading for the past hour?" _

"_Shakespeare." Remus replied, smiling at Sirius's confused look. "He's a muggle poet and playwright. He's amazing, if you actually paid attention to his work."_

"_Pay attention? You'd have to be able to bloody understand what they are saying first." Sirius muttered, and went back to throwing rocks. _

"_Would you like me to read this to you?" Remus asked. By now Remus knew he like Sirius. Everyone knew he was gay, they just didn't know what guy had his affection. Sirius grunted, and Remus took it to mean a yes. He started reading again, a little louder. "Have not saints lips and holy palmers too? Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. Oh, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray; grant though, lest faith turn to despair. Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. Then move not, while my prayers effect I take. Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged. Then have my lips, the sin that they have took. Sin from my lips? Oh, trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again. You kiss by th' book." _

_Sirius interrupted Remus's reading, "You have a nice reading voice." He said quietly, looking into Remus's eyes. Sirius sat up and turned to face Remus. Remus could feel his heart beating quickly, and he knew he was blushing. Sirius slowly leaned in, putting his warm lips against Remus's. Sirius's lips were softer than you would think. They were wet, and warm. They were a light pink color, and plush. Remus had studied his lips for hours wondering what they would taste like. When Sirius kissed him, he was shocked at first, but quickly gathered his wits, and kissed him back. The kiss was warm, and loving, and long but short all at once. It wasn't demanding, even though it was. It was in that kiss that Sirius completely stole Remus's heart. When they pulled away, they stared into each other's eyes for a minute. _

_Remus muttered so that only Sirius could here "Against my love shall be as I am now, With Time's injurious hand crush'd and o'erworn; When hours have drain'd his blood and fill'd his brow With lines and wrinkles; when his youthful morn Hath travelled on to age's steepy night; And all those beauties whereof now he's king Are vanishing, or vanished out of sight, Stealing away the treasure ofhis spring; For such a time do I now forify Against confounding age's cruel knife, That he shall never cut from memory My sweet love's beauty, though my lover's life: His beauty shall in these black lines be seen, And they shall live, and he in them still green." When he finished, he kissed Sirius once more, then pulled away and offered a smile. _

Sirius and Remus where sitting in the common room cuddling. They had just told James and Peter of their relationship. Remus was reading A Midsummer's Night Dream aloud, and Sirius was playing with Remus's hair. Sirius quit, and looked at Remus, who quit reading. "Everything alright?" Remus asked.

Sirius nodded. "Everything's fine. I'm just committing your face to memory." He said, smiling. His face then turned serious. "I-I love you, Remus."

_The whole school knew that Sirius and Remus were together now. It was their final year in the school. They group of friends were in the common room, alone. James was trying to coax Remus to go ask Sirius something. Remus had been putting it off, but knew he couldn't much longer. With one final encouraging glance from James he went over to where Sirius was lounging on the couch. He took a deep breath, "Sirius, babe." He started. Sirius looked up, and gave Remus one of those lazy smiles. "I know that you don't have a place to live," He started, "And I was wondering if you'd like to well. Get a flat together in London." He said, quietly. He was picking at one of his cuticles, afraid of what Sirius would say. After several long seconds, Sirius nodded. He gave Remus one of those smiles that were reserved for him. "I'd like that." He said softly, pulling Remus onto his lap._

It was the day after Halloween. Sirius had been gone last night, running an errand. He still wasn't back when Remus went to bed, so he figured Sirius had just stopped to see James and Lily. When Remus woke up the next day, and Sirius wasn't there, and his half of the bed looked untouched, he began to worry. Sirius had left on the damn motorbike of his. What if he had gotten hurt? Remus couldn't think about what he would do if he ever lost Sirius. He was in his kitchen pacing, when the owl that delivered the Daily Prophet came to the window. Remus went and took the newspaper from the owl, and opened it up. On front page was the news that the Dark Lord had been defeated last night. Remus went and sat down at the table, reading the article. He felt sick to his stomach. Lily and James were dead. Sirius had betrayed them. He had to have. He was their secret keeper. The only one who knew where they were. His Sirius had betrayed them. He had betrayed his best mate. He read to hear that only their son survived. Remus wondered what would happen to Harry, before more thoughts of Sirius took over. The article also said that Sirius then went to find Peter Pettigrew, and killed him in front of several muggles, and killed some of the muggles too. It said that Sirius was sentenced to life in Azkaban. Remus considered visiting for a minute, then shrugged the idea off. He was crying hard by the time he finished the article. He felt dead inside. His Sirius had betrayed them. He had then killed Peter. Remus realized that he was the last true Marauder.

_It had been twelve years since James and Lily died. Dumbledore came and asked Remus to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. Remus, unsure of why he agreed, was packing. The day's newspaper was on his bed, un-looked at. Remus glanced around the room, seeing mostly Sirius's stuff. He couldn't bring himself to throw it out. With a sigh he picked up the days paper. On the front page was a face he had memorized so long ago. It was a face that still haunted him. Sirius's had a picture on the front page, along with an article saying how he had escaped from Azkaban. Remus felt over-whelming grief take over him again. He glanced at his watch, and noted he better get going if he wanted to make the train. He glanced around his flat. The flat he and Sirius had gotten the year they left Hogwarts. Brushing away a tear, he picked up his trunk, and apparated to King's Cross_.

Remus was looking at the Marauder's map, mostly out of boredom. He say Harry, Ron, and Hermione going down to Hagrid's, probably to be there for their friend. He knew that Hagrid's pet hippogriff was supposed to be executed today. He continued watching the map, when the names Sirius Black showed up. He looked harder, and saw that Sirius, Ron, Hermione, and Harry where all moving together. Along with their names, was another. He blinked. The name was Peter Pettigrew. Peter was a man he had thought long gone. Remus quickly ran out of the castle, and looked at the map. They were all heading towards the Whomping Willow. He could only think of one reason for them to be going there. It was a secret passage to the Shrieking Shack. One they had used often in their day. When Remus got there, he saw no one. He made his way into the passage. When he came out on the other end, he found himself looking at the man he had loved for so long. The man he still loved, he realized. It took all his self-control to not go crying to Sirius. "Where is he, Sirius?" Sirius pointed to Ron. "But then…Why hasn't he shown himself before now? Unless" Something had dawned on Remus. "Unless you switched without telling me?" He asked. Sirius looked straight into Remus's eyes and nodded.

Hermione screamed. "I don't- I can't. You and him! I didn't tell anyone. I've been covering for you and-"

"Hermione, listen to me, please!" Lupin shouted.

"No! Harry, don't listen to him. He's been helping Black. He wants you dead too-He's a werewolf!"

Remus didn't even make a move to argue.

"Dumbledore hired you. And you're a werewolf. Is he mad?" Ron sputtered.

"Some of the staff thought so. He had to work very hard to convince certain teachers that I'm trustworthy-" Remus began.

"But he's wrong!" Harry yelled. "YOU'VE BEEN HELPING HIM ALL ALONG" He pointed a finger at Sirius.

"No, Harry. I haven't." Lupin said softly.

"Then how did you know where he was?" Harry asked

"The Marauder's Map." Lupin said.

"But. You know how to work it?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"Of course. I helped write it. I'm Moony. Your dad was Prongs. Sirius was Padfoot, and Peter was Wormtail. The four of us wrote it." Lupin explained. "Speaking of Peter." He said, walking over to Ron. "Ron, let me see your rat."

Ron shook his head. "What's Scabbers got to do with this?" He asked, angrily.

"Everything." Lupin said. "May I please see him?" Ron hesitated, and then gave Scabbers to Lupin.

"I still don't see what my rat has to do with an-" He began.

"That's not a rat." Sirius said suddenly.

"Of course he's a-"

"He's an animagus. By the name of Peter Pettigrew." Ron just stared at them like they were mental.

"But people would know if he was one! The ministry keeps a record" Hermione began.

Remus nodded. "Normally. But, they never knew that their where three unregistered ones at Hogwarts." He began to tell the story about how when James, Sirius, and Peter found out he was a werewolf, the became illegal animagi.

Snape's voice interrupted Remus. "I've just been to your office, Lupin. You forgot to take your potion tonight, so I took you a goblet full." He said, snidely. "You left the map on your desk. One glance told me all I needed. I saw you running after Black and these three. Wait until I tell Dumbledore. You've been helping Black all along. Two more for Azkaban tonight." He said, almost gleefully.

"You fool," Lupin said softly, "Is a childhood grudge really worth putting an innocent man back inside Azkaban?" Snape flicked his wand, and cords burst from the end, twisting themselves around Lupin's mouth, wrists, and ankles. Black stood up and took a stride towards Snape, but stopped when Snape pointed his wand towards him. "Come now. Let's go back to the castle. I do say, the dementors will be glad to see you, Black. Glad enough for a kiss, I believe."

"YOU'RE PATHETIC." Harry yelled. "JUST BECAUSE THEY MADE A FOOL OF YOU AT SCHOOL"

"SILENCE." Snape told him. "I will not be spoken to like that. Now, get out of the way." Harry raised his wand.

"Expelliarmus" He shouted, and Snape flew back, hitting the wall. He slumped down, unconscious. Harry bent down to untie Remus.

"Thank you." Remus said softly.

"I'm still not sure I believe you." Harry told Remus.

"Then it's time we offered you some proof. Ron, Scabbers again, if you may?" Remus asked. He took the rat, and pointed his wand at it. A flash of light erupted, and for a moment the rat was frozen in mid-air. Then, his body began to twist, and he fell to the floor. A second later, there was a man where Scabbers had been. The man was crying and wringing his hands. Pettigrew looked up at Remus.

"S-sirius. R-remus. My old friends." He squeaked.

"We've been having a chat, Peter. About the night Lily and James died." Remus told Peter.

"Y-you can't possible believe him! He tried to kill me" Peter yelled in disbelief.

"So I've heard." Remus said softly. "But, I must admit. I find it difficult to believe that an innocent man would spend twelve years hiding as a rat."

"Innocent, but scared! Black came to finish the job, Remus!" Peter squeaked.

"But, how did you know he'd break out of Azkaban?" Remus asked. "No one has ever done it before."

"He could've sent people after me! He was the best spy for Voldemort, after all!"

"Me? A spy?" Black growled. "How dare you suggest that? I don't know why I didn't see you as the spy, though. You always liked to be friends with people stronger than you." Peter shook his head, trying to deny everything. "Lily and James made you their secret-keeper. But only because I suggested it." Black moved towards Peter.

Peter looked at Harry. "Harry, you look just like your father. Just like him. Harry, James wouldn't have wanted me killed. He would've understood Harry"

Black was shaking with anger. "You sold them out to Voldemort. Do you deny it?" Peter just burst into more tears.

"No." Harry told them. "Don't kill him. We'll take him up to the castle. He can go to Azkaban."

Remus nodded. "If that's what you want." He flicked his wand, and tied Peter up. They began their procession out of the Shrieking Shack, along with Snape who was floating behind them. They were about halfway to the castle when Remus looked up in alarm at Sirius. He stopped, as his body started to shake. "Go." He rasped.

Black who had been in the middle of talking to Harry about coming to live with him, he was sure Remus wouldn't have minded, stopped. "Run." He told the trio. "Now." They took off, as Black began to shift. Snape's body fell to the ground, and he woke up. He took one look at Remus and went after the trio.

_Remus was back at his flat. He was packing everything up, getting ready to move into Grimmauld Place, which was where Sirius was currently. Sirius, his Sirius. How could he have ever thought that Sirius was guilty. He'd been without him for twelve years. He had him back now, and he couldn't remember a time he had felt happier. He finished putting things into boxes, and then with a flick of his wand, sent the boxes over to Grimmauld Place. With one last look, he apparated out of his flat. He'd told his landlord that he'd be moving out, and that was all taken care of. When he got to Grimmauld Place, he found himself in Sirius's arms, with Sirius's lips pressed up against his._

Remus hated Sirius so upset. He'd been trapped in Grimmauld Place for over a year now. Occasionally, when he was upset enough, he'd purposely get into arguments with his mother's portrait. Remus spent as much time as he could there, but he was busy with the order. When he was there, he did everything in his power to make Sirius smile. Sirius's smiles were hard to come by, now a days. When they did happen, they normally were reserved for Remus. Sirius had started reading Shakespeare, because it was Remus's favorite author. Remus could tell that Sirius was enjoying him, though.

_It was one of the few days that Remus and Sirius were alone. Remus was reading poetry aloud to Sirius, who was laying in Remus's lap, his eyes closed, a content smile on his face. "If ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were loved by wife, then thee; If ever wife was happy in a man, Compare with me ye women if you can. I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold, Or all the riches that the East doth hold. My love is such that rivers cannot quench, Nor ought but love from thee give recompense. Thy love is such I can no way repay; The heavens reward three manifold, I pray. Then while we live, in love let's so preserver, That when we live no more we may live ever." Remus closed the book, and looked down at Sirius. "Would you like to hear my favorite poem of all time?" He asked. Sirius gave a nod, without opening his eyes. "It's all I have to bring to-day, This and my heart beside, This, and my heart, and all the fields, And all the meadows wide. Be sure you count, should I forget, - Someone the sun could tell, This, and my heart, and all the bees Which in the clover dwell." He finished, and Sirius looked up at him. _

_Sirius didn't comment on the poem, instead kissed Remus on the lips. "I love you." He whispered. "Let's promise to do what the second to last poem said. That when we live no more, we live forever. Together. Everlasting. Even when we die, we wait for each other. Promise?" Remus nodded._

"_I love you." He told Sirius, kissing him softly. _

The Order was at the house. They were all meeting in the kitchen, planning to go to the Ministry. Voldemort had lured Harry there by making him believe that Sirius was there. Right now, they were arguing with Sirius about him going.

"I'm going. If Harry's there, I will be." Sirius growled, looking at Remus for help. Remus avoided his gaze. He didn't want Sirius there. What if he was captured and taken away from him again? He couldn't stand to lose Sirius again. Not after only having him back for two years. Sirius ended up getting his way though, because they couldn't wait any longer. They had to go now.

When they got there, a battle was already happening. Sirius began battling his cousin, Bellatrix. Remus was battling a deatheater he didn't recognize. One of the other Order members was trying to get the students away from the Ministry. The order was outnumbered. Remus went over to help Tonks battle several deatheaters at once. Even though the Order was outnumbered, they were winning. He saw Sirius, who had been looking at him. Sirius dodged one of Bellatrix's curses, firing another one back. Bellatrix then sent another one, and it hit Sirius knocking him back. Sirius fell into a veil, and Remus just quit what he was doing. He stared at the veil, willing Sirius to stand up. He knew that Sirius wasn't coming back, though. He was brought back when Harry screamed, and lunged for the veil. Remus grabbed Harry, and held him back. "He's gone." He whispered. "Harry, don't. He's not coming back. He's de-"

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT. DON'T YOU TELL ME HE'S DEAD." Harry yelled, tears rolling down his face. Eventually Harry quit fighting, and went limp. Remus was paying very little attention to what was going on around him. When Bellatrix laughed and Harry struggled to get up, yelling about killing her, Remus didn't have the energy to fight him. He knew that he shouldn't let him go, but he didn't care quite then. Sirius had been taken away from him again. He was gone.

_Remus vaguely knew what was going on around him. They were at Sirius's funeral, although it wasn't a real funeral. The Order was burying him in Godrics Hallow, but not in the graveyard. They couldn't. Sirius's name still wasn't cleared. People kept looking at Remus, worried. They knew about him and Sirius. Remus didn't care. He just sat there completely numb. He muttered things when people talked to him. He couldn't even bring himself to cry. He had no feeling left in his body at all. For the second time in his life, his Sirius had been taken away from him. This time, it was permanently. Remus had quit reading. He couldn't read poetry anymore. He couldn't read Shakespeare anymore. Or anything, because they all made him think of Sirius. He use to always read to Sirius. He read just about anything to him. He couldn't anymore. _

Tonks and Remus where getting married, and all Remus could think about was how he this one thing he could have never done with Sirius, get married. He wasn't nervous about marrying Tonks, when he knew he would've been if it was Sirius. Tonks didn't make him nervous at all. Yes, he loved Tonks, but not like he had loved her cousin. He wasn't sure why he was with Tonks, but he was. He looked in the mirror, straightened his tie, and walked out to the alter. "Sirius, I love you." He muttered, feeling like he was betraying Sirius. "I'm sorry." He wasn't talking loud enough for people to hear. "This, my heart, and all the bees, - In which the clover dwell."

"_I'm pregnant!" Tonks told him happily. He smiled weakly. He was going to be a father. He felt a small tingle of excitement race through him. "That's wonderful." He said, looking at Tonks. "I can't believe I'm going to be a dad." He wasn't happy in life. Not like he'd have been if Sirius was still alive. He knew Sirius would be waiting for him, though. He'd be waiting for him when he did die. "This is great." Remus said, with a little more enthusiasm. _

They were at Hogwarts. The final battle was taking place, or Remus hoped it was the final battle. He and Tonks where fighting off Death Eaters when a flash of green light hit Tonks from behind. He watch her crumple and fall, the last bit of life he had in him dying too. He turned around, and shot a curse at the deatheater who killed Tonks. He had lost the second person he loved. He had no one left now. As he so often did, he got lost in his thoughts for a minute and didn't see the curse that was fired at him. He was brought back into reality when it hit him. He knew that he was dying, but he didn't seem to care. He just couldn't wait till he got there and saw Sirius again.

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><p>AN: Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, and Anne Bradstreet all have poemssegments of a book in here. I do not own their work.

Also, this is a lot longer than I had first intended it to be. But, once I started writing, I couldn't stop.  
>Reviews are welcome. Or not.<p> 


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